I need an attitude transplant - some sort of mental and metabolic alteration. 'A bloody good kick up the arse', as some fat authoritarian git would no doubt put it, if I were unfortunate enough to know one. Yes, looking on the bright side, things could be worse - at lease I don't have to listen to the oral flatulence of some fat git. Or anyone else for that matter. In fact, I don't have to put up with anything, and that's something to be thankful for, isn't it?

To whom I should address my gratitude - thank you.